Thursday, December 12, 2013

who i am

Time is seemingly not on my side as I spend day after day alone in this hospital room. My mind tends to get carried away with thoughts of the future and all the grand things I am expected to accomplish once I get out of here. There is this feeling that comes with "beating" cancer. A sense that you have to do something great, be something remarkable. My head spins and blunders in what I must become next... It's a force that almost appears to be negative, but maybe it's actually helping me realize my true legend.

Up until this point all I've  know is I am me. And most of the time that has seemed to be enough. Until you're really given the time to think about it. Until you find yourself in countless hours of solitude. Let me tell ya, I'm not magnificent at anything and I never have been. I certainly don't have any noteworthy talents, but yet here I am determined to find something. Something to almost justify this second shot at life. Even if in this second "shot" all I want to do is travel, marry the man of my dreams, or heck spend my days searching for a buried treasure. If theses are the things that make me happy then why shouldn't these things be good enough to glorify my second shot at life?! Good thing I'll be undergoing treatments for a while. Hopefully, buy some time and get some renowned ideas under my belt as to how to flawlessly execute this second shot at life.

For now, I'll stick to letting you know who I am today:
I am a daughter, sister, lover and friend. I am extremely indecisive. Some would say emotionally unavailable. A tom-boy is what's at heart, though I don't mind dazzling up on occasion. I LOVE animals and I love nature too. I love to let the sun shine on my face... as well as my back. I appreciate breathing the natural air. I like to puzzle my mind with books that have content far beyond my reasoning though sometimes I catch myself watching mindless raunchy cartoons. I love adding different chapters to my life; whether it be style, thought, or people- I never want to dismiss a chance or something new. Nearly everything in my life wavers in contrast. I think it's wise to believe in miracles and am a firm believer that you only grow old when you stop playing. I am a curious critter who dreams to never stop adventuring. I'd love to own a surfboard. I have leukemia. Most of all, one day I'd like to live as a simpleton surrounded by positive people and beautiful landscapes. In my mind I have a dream home where my buckskin horse can poke his head in my barn style kitchen door as I cook dinner....but that's neither here nor there.

The Soul of the World is nourished by peoples happiness. I'll keep holding onto that.


1 comment:

  1. Your an inspiration. And your responsibility is to share hope with our people. You're doing that . Amen.