Friday, December 20, 2013

day 21

After checking in for my third round of chemo on November 30th, I've been repeatedly promised "today" would be the day I got to go home...over and over again. As history has shown shit happens. I fell weak, my hemoglobin dropped low and I have become a steroid induced diabetic. Now, I will continue on with all the news that nobody wants to hear. I'll do my best to keep it short, toss in some readable babble, and I promise to finish on a positive note.

Blood sugar, something I've never once even thought about. As an active, skinny female with an excelling metabolism I've always been able to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Some how by the grace of God ever since I was a child I have been ordering salads instead of Happy-Meals, preferred cucumbers over hotdogs and savory over sweet. But there's no denying CARBS. I LOVE carbs! I eat a bagel every morning (usually two). I have an amazing relationship with food. It's my favorite thing. I love delicious flavors. Especially dining out with people who's company I enjoy. It's actually my favorite thing to do. If I could make every meal a four-hour event I would! Luckily, Zach is okay with this and plays along well with eating. Which is great because most of all I love watching people eat and I like playing chef.

I realize I just made myself sound like a real psycho obsessed with food freak, but I have a defense... Now that I'm a "diabetic" I'm on this really terrible meal plan. If you can even call it that, a "meal-plan". I'm allowed 45carbs per meal. That's basically equivalent to a dinky fruit cup and half a bagel for breakfast.  Needless to say, I'm starved. Constantly starving! All I think about is food. One can only eat so many hard-boiled eggs and spinach. Not to mention I need something to stick to these bones. Chemo has been tough on my body so I'm on these steroids which drive my appetite and blood sugar through the roof, but also keep my body fighting and strong. The lesser of two (or three) evils I suppose.  

Anyway, I start another round of chemotherapy tomorrow, December 20, 2013. Ironically enough my body loves chemo, at first. It soaks it right up usually leaving me feeling energized and "well" for a few days before my blood counts start to fall. Being said, I'm seriously hoping to be released on Sunday. My beloved Grandma know as, Gruntz arrives on Monday. It would be really nice to be home and able to spend some time with her for the holidays. Not to mention, matzo ball soup! Mmmm MATZO BALL SOUP! Now, I'm not a Jew, but I love matzo ball soup more than the average. I've had a serious hankering. Borderline disorder at this point. Turns out there are no jews in Santa Barbara and there is NO-WHERE to get matzo ball soup. Blessed as I am, my late grandfather was Jewish. Because of him Gruntz makes homemade matzo ball soup! I can't think of a better way to ring in Christmas. Mazel Mazel!

To a happier and hairier time.....
 HO! HO! HO!

A spiritual gangster I know from another walk of life posted this on facebook tonight,

"Trust that whatever you are dealing with, whatever doorway to crisis you experience, it is leading you to a greater lesson in living where ideally the power of love is what you learn. Forgive, and broadcast your excitement to be alive.”
― Barbara Marciniak, Family of Light: Pleiadian Tales and Lessons in Living

I've got to be honest, life is fucking shitty and i'm having a really hard time. It's quotes like this that keep me going. I hope you find it inspirational too.


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